Like I Was Saying...
I took another trip to the dump this AM, but it was less muddy this time. Thank God.
So Jake has a son, I want to say he's about four years old, Dan. Dan is a cute kid and takes after his dad. Both kids rode along with us today.
We stopped at Culver's for lunch. Jake loves their food. I don't get it, but Jake usually foots the bill for lunch, so Culver's it is.
Before we sit down, I grab some ketchup and a pile of salt and pepper packets. I once saw my brother put pepper in his ketchup to give it a little kick. I tried it and liked it from time to time. I usually eat my fries with mayonnaise, but that's a story for another time.
So Dan watches me pour these packets of pepper into my ketchup, instantly enthralled. "Are you going to eat all that," he asks?
"I plan to," I tell him.
"It's going to be spicy," he says, and I tell 'em it's going to be alright.
"I bet you can't eat all that," he says.
So I extend my hand and tell 'em I will. And he sakes my hand, and I tell Dan, joking, "if I eat all this, I get your lizard."
Dan has this pet lizard who constantly likes showing off when anybody is around.
"So I eat all this; I got your pet lizard. Don't worry; when I eat all this, I'll let you visit him on days ending in X."
He looks at me and says, "there are no days that end with X."
"Well," I say, "then you'll never see him again," continuing to joke with him.
Jake chimed in, "you gotta know what the bet is before you shake, Dan."
"And you shook on it," I reminded him.
Dan went into this thousand-mile stare and I could see and hear his little heart break as it dawned on him what he's just bet.
I could see in his tiny little face the possibility of losing his lizard forever. Finally, his eyes started to glaze over, and his face started to scrunch up, and that's when I realized I'd taken my joke a little too far. Oh, shit.
I finally said, patting him on the back, "Dan, Dan, I'm just joking. I'm not going to take your lizard, and you're okay. You'll get to keep your lizard."
He stopped before crying, "yeah, I love that lizard," he said.
"I know, Dan. I was kidding with you."
"Okay," he said, relieved.
Dan's a little kid, and I had to pull back.
I'm an ass, but not a monster.
Dan went back to being a kid.
The first animal I ever loved that much was our dog, Wow. He was a mutt, but he was the family dog.
I remember watching the Omen with my brother when mom and dad walked in after putting him to sleep. They walked in with two cones from Diary Queen.
I remember sitting there, eating ice cream, crying because Wow was never coming home. That was also the first time I ever saw my dad overwrought.
Either way, Dan is at home tonight, and his lizard is safe in his cage. And yes, I ate that whole little Dixie up with pepper and ketchup.